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I'm a Lover Not a Fighter

During my career as a personal trainer and now a self-defense coach there are two phrases I hear a lot.  The first one is, “Yeah, I need to do that.”  The second is, “I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

Do you know what both of those phrases mean to me?  They both mean that fear is what is keeping you from doing what you really want to do.  When I hear those statements, this is what I really hear, “I hear what you are saying but that means I have to change what I’m doing and I don’t know what that’s going to look like.  That means I have to get out of my routine (the one that is slowly killing me physically & mentally) and work hard to create a new routine.” That my friends is fear of change.

“Yeah, I really need to do that.”  We say this when we know we should do what is being suggested but we really have no intentions of doing so.  We may want to do what is being suggested but we don’t want it bad enough to fight for it. 

By fighting for it I’m talking about making small changes every day that add up to a lifestyle change down the road. 

By fighting for it, I’m talking about making a choice at breakfast today to eat egg whites and oatmeal instead of pop-tarts, donuts, cereal, or a bagel. 

By fighting for it, I’m talking about walking ½ mile today instead of sitting on the couch with a bag of chips watching Extreme Weight Loss with Chris and Heidi Powell wishing that could be you. I'll let you in on a little secret - that was me.  I used to watch Biggest Loser while sitting on the couch eating ice cream or chips wishing that were me going through that transformation.  If you don't believe me go here to read my story.

By fighting for it, I’m talking about taking a self-defense course (that everyone can learn) instead of just hearing the stories of people being attacked and hoping it never happens to you (or worse, denying it could ever happen to you.) 

By fighting for it I'm talking about skipping that iced coffee everyday and saving that $4-5 and putting that towards the training you need to help you make these healthy lifestyle changes.  Or, taking that self-defense class because you don't like to fight and have no idea how to defend yourself.

Instead of saying, “Yeah, I really need to do that.”  Let’s try saying, “Okay, how do I start?”  All of us have to start somewhere, the key is – to START.

Okay, so how many of you think of Michael Jackson when someone says, “I’m a lover, not a fighter”?  My hand is raised, I can see him now singing.  I could say a lot about that in the way he lived his life, but this is not a blog about Micheal Jackson. I’ve heard this phrase used when I’m asking someone to fight through a tough workout.  Now that I teach self-defense I hear that phrase a lot, especially from women.  I'm going to throw that excuse out the window and show you that you are a fighter, you just don't know it yet.

It's true that most of us are not pro boxers or MMA fighters who get up every day and train to fight.  They are a select people who live & breathe fighting.  Most of us aren't policemen or soldiers. Most of us don’t even like to think about fighting.  Listen, I’ve always been a peacemaker.  I don’t like to fight and will avoid conflict whenever possible.  Being a peacemaker is not a bad thing, even God says blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God.  However, always being a peacemaker can cause you to avoid conflict to the point of losing your life. Peacemakers can easily be consumed by fear and inaction.  Fear will keep you from sending that email or making that phone call asking for help to lose the weight you’ve been wanting, and know you need, to lose.  Fear will keep you from pushing past that threshold of pain and exhaustion to finish that workout.  Fear will keep you from learning how to defend yourself, which says to the bad guy, "I'm an easy target, I won't fight you."  Fear will keep you from defending yourself.

The truth is that you can fight and you do have it in you.  Do you know why I KNOW that you CAN fight? 


Because of the man or woman who proudly states, “I am a cancer survivor.”  Being a survivor means there was a fight they won.



The man or woman who FOUGHT their minds and bodies to go to the gym when it wasn’t comfortable, in fact it was incredibly HARD, but they went anyway.




Every time I see a man or woman who lost a limb protecting this country and they FIGHT through every painful day learning to not only walk again but to run marathons. 



And finally, when a woman transforms in .02 seconds from a beautiful life-giving, loving, gentle mom into a screaming, hard-core, wild, and incredibly strong banshee when you threaten her children. 





There are so many examples because we ALL have “fight” in us.  We just have to realize that right now, wherever you are in life, you have that survival instinct to fight inside of you and you ARE worth fighting for!!

Determine today to take those two phrases out of your vocabulary.  Instead of saying, “I need to do that,”  say, “I will do that.  What is my first step?”  And, instead of saying, “I’m a lover, not a fighter,”  say, “Fighting is not comfortable for me but I will learn to fight for my life and those around me.”  You will be amazed at what you CAN do if you allow yourself to try.

I would love to help you take your life back!  Contact me TODAY, right now, don’t let the excuses start playing like a broken record in your head. Send that email right now.  I made it easy for you, I’ve put three links in this tiny paragraph to contact me. I'm Looking forward to starting this journey with you.


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